If I were to ask whether women and men are equal here at Manhattanville, most students’ first response would be yes. “Of course,” they would say, “women and men have the same rights.” They would point to the fact that women are predominant at Manhattanville, with a ratio of 60% female students versus 40% male students. Men and women have the possibility to study the same subjects, join the same clubs, and participate in the same activities. There are no structural restrictions for women at Manhattanville. On paper at least there is total equality between men and women. Yet if you scratch below the surface, these general facts don’t take into account the full reality.

After spending two years at college, it is quite clear that men and women do not possess the same rights in regards to their sexual behavior. The prevailing attitude is that men are entitled to and even respected for displaying a casual attitude to sex and objectifying women in the process. They are the dominant species on campus, particularly if they play on a sports team, and they get away with irresponsible sexual behavior. In fact, they are often applauded for that behavior. In this regard, there is no equality between men and women at Manhattanville.

A classic example is a woman who sleeps with several men from the same sports team who comes to be considered a “slut,” or to put it in sports lingo, a “hockey puck.” She becomes an object for the team’s pleasure and later is often times mocked and teased.Yet, those same males, the ones who slept with the woman, are above reproach. They have the right to “share” the same woman between themselves without being looked down upon. All the fault lies with the woman and none with the men. They are looked up to, and she is looked down upon. Where is the social justice and equality in this equation?

Ironically, this demeaning attitude to women is not only ingrained in men but in women as well. Other women will also look down on the “hockey pucks,” claiming that these girls should know better than to put themselves in that kind of situation.

Men are entitled to be sexually promiscuous and women aren’t. This idea is accepted by the majority of society and by the majority of the students here at Manhattanville. Again, where is the equality?

It would be hard to call this patriarchal system fair. The point here isn’t to defend promiscuity, but if it’s wrong for a woman to be promiscuous it should be equally wrong for a man. Why doesn’t anyone turn the focus to the men and look down on them? Why is the finger always pointed towards the women? Why is she the irresponsible one and not the man? Why is the woman left to stand alone and be held accountable while the man is able to hide within the collective male pack and not take any individual accountability for his actions? If men and women had equal rights, these types of situations would not exist.

So what is to be done? Most people are aware of the situation, yet they do nothing to prevent it, falling right back into sexual patriarchy. Students should not just become aware of the situation, but start reacting. Change never comes about by waiting for someone else to change, but only when we ourselves change our attitude.

“Women are the only oppressed group in our society that lives in intimate
association with their oppressors.” Evelyn Cunningham

When I first received my acceptance letter to Manhattanville College I was ecstatic. It was my top choice and seemed like a great institution founded on strong morals and a dedication to social awareness and diversity. In fact Manhtanville’s mission is “To prepare students, through rigorous academic and co-curricular programs, for ethical and socially-responsible leadership in a global community.” My experiences at Manhattanville and the student life include working with various programs through the Duchesne Center even leading my own program Ladies Room, as well as being a member and holding the Public Relations chair of BSU (Black Student Union). I have been a resident all four years at Manhattanville and utilize all the facilities that the school provides. So what makes my experience standout you may ask? It is because I feel that I have experienced things differently being an African American female student. As a Sociology Major and African Studies Minor, as well as someone who was recently accepted into a Masters Program in Boston, MA to receive my MSW (Master of Social Work), studying race and the dynamic of people is something that truly intrigues me. As I have taken many courses about diversity and racism, I am fully aware that racism and stereotyping occurs everywhere in even the slightest forms and I would like to bring attention to the ways in which I feel it happens here on campus. My intention is to bring these issues to light so that we can correct them and become more educated and aware.

Manhattanville College provides an environment that enables me to communicate with people of all races and ethnicities. However, I have noticed the way in which some of my friends interact with me. It is the media’s stereotypes and portal of black women that affects their interaction. Whether they want me to make up “hip” handshakes or want me to teach them things that are depicted as being from the black community (how to dance, how to braid, etc., assuming that I myself know how to do these things, which I do not) nor would it be a surprise to hear my male White friends ask me to “drop it like its hot”, “shake what my mama gave me”, or usually twisting their hands up to mock gangs signs to which I do not belong . While this may seem as innocent fun, if we look deeper into the subject these are clear examples of how others value African American women and the influence and power of the media. The media teaches us through the many programs and many videos portrayed of African American women (yes rapped by black men, however owned by White men) that this is the way a women should be treated, whether she is a professional, student, mother, or whatever the case may be. What bothers me most is that it does not matter that I am a peer like anyone else, in the same classroom with the same professor, capable of the same challenges and achievements. However, because I am a Black women I am the one addressed as “yo” “Shorty” “ma”- not the Asian girl across the room or the Caucasian girl to the left of me. As a future social worker I feel that it is very important that we sit down and reflect upon our actions and analyze the root problem and how to bring about social change. As I have mentioned, this school prides itself on building ethical and socially-responsible leaders so I feel it is the responsibility of not only the college but the individuals to carry out this mission inside and outside of the classroom. The topics of race, stereotypes, and patriarchy are overwhelming but we all (including myself ) can begin with small gestures today. As my experiences here at Manhattanville comes to an end, and as I began my journey in the real world, I have worked hard for my achievements and will not allow any form of racial mockery to carry on. Do not call me “Shorty”, “baby girl”, or “ma”; address me as Latiaya Grooms, and address me with respect.

So picture yourself at a castle party (or East Room party to be a bit more up to date). You’re dancing with that cute guy from your Econ class. You decide to look past the fact he smells like alcohol and the stairwell in Tenney – we all know what that smells like – and hope he thinks you’re cute too. So you dance, you chat a little and you’re sure everything is going great, maybe you’ll even hang out sometime. Finally he takes a step closer, leans in as if to tell you a secret, strategically places his hand on your butt and says “So..uh…you wanna come by my room later?” He says this with a smirk, as if it’s a rhetorical question. If you were trying to seduce me with your creativity you failed. Get a new line buddy. What’s the big deal right? That’s standard procedure around here. But this interaction has become so common place that I have basically run out of sarcastic and witty ways to respond.

I’d like to ask the men on this campus how they would feel if we were dancing and I spontaneously grabbed their butt, and whispered in their ear “see you in my room in five.” Actually don’t answer that. Whatever happened to asking a girl out to lunch if you wanted to spend time with her? On a campus with a clear majority of women you would think things would be in their favor. Not so much. Let’s say you are invited to some guy’s room to hang out in a group and you decide to go. After all what else do you have to do on a Saturday night when the only other option is the bingo tournament going on in the pub? You aren’t in this guys room for longer than five minutes before you get the feeling you are in an episode of national geographic – except the rolls are switched. The females (which are the majority in the room) vie for the male’s attention. The three males in the room (odds are obviously in their favor) sit back relaxed and, well, take their pick. Of course the environment does not help; you are socializing in a Damman suite common room that fits about 5 and ½ people. If you so choose to venture into any of the doubles or the singles you have two choices: you can sit on the floor or the bed. It would seem that no one else in the room finds it weird to be sitting in some guy’s bed with the sheets rolled down and a dirty pair of boxers hanging from the mattress. I observe that an unsuspecting freshman has won the competition – or lost depending on your perspective and taking into consideration just exactly what she has won. She basks in the attention as her new drunken upperclassmen friend places his hand on her thigh and hands her another drink. Really it’s such a common scene that it took me a while to realize it’s not normal. After you graduate from Manhattanville lets say you meet someone nice in your office – is your first and only line really going to be “so..uh…you wanna come by my room later?” I think not. What is it about our environment and social dialogue (or lack there of) between males and females that calls for this type of interaction?

I realize that we are young and in college and that society tells us that means we are suppose to approach these four years in college as if they are simply an interval – an exception – to how we spend the rest of our lives. I beg to differ. I think there are ways that one can enjoy college (yes for the drinking and partying too) but still hold meaningful relationships and interactions with the opposite sex. I challenge the males on this campus to attempt a real conversation – in a venue that is not a castle party or their rooms – with a female on this campus. I challenge the females on this campus to come up with a never-been-used witty response to apply the next time a guy asks you to come back to his room and sit on his bed as substitution for real social interaction. If you come up with one, let me know.

I’m sure this is a question pertinent in the mind of every college student within the United States, because college is about experiencing and learning, and we are constantly learning how people vary in personalities, traits and behavior.  Throughout your stay at college you meet new people every year.  It can be anyone from your roommate to the person next door and outside.  When we go out to parties, eat breakfast, lunch or dinner, we as people do not like traveling alone.  From the start we surround ourselves with brand new and compatible people to hang out with.  When making new acquaintances we analyze people and try our best to make sure they won’t be “getting on our nerves” anytime soon, or go behind our back and take a belonging or girlfriend or boyfriend.  The initial analysis we make of a person is the foundation to building a friendship.  If the analysis comes out positive, we embrace this person and let them into our room, house and lives in some way.  If you have embraced someone this year and let them know who you are as a person, there is definitely an element of trust there.

However, if you find that you simply drink, go out and scarcely see the people that you’ve met this year, unless it’s for public socialization; chances are that trust should not be handed to them that easily.  Someone who knows little about who you are but knows your favorite alcoholic beverage of choice is not a friend and only friends should be trusted.  This doesn’t in any way mean that we should stop socializing with those people and going out on the weekends with that group, it simply means that we need to be attentive of their actions and intentions when they are around us.  Not everyone you meet can become your friend or trusted colleague, but this certainly doesn’t mean that the conversation should end there.  Then again, who knows whether or not it can expand into something better later on down the line?  Some friendships take longer to form than others and trust is not a complimentary gift, and some acquaintances are meant to be just that.  Know where you stand with anyone in your circle and take it for what it is and nothing more.

We have all had those moments where there is just not enough time in the day. Finding a healthy balance between work life and social life seems like a foreign idea. Between the classes, homework, and jobs, maintaining a healthy social life can be very difficult. The key to balancing the events of your life is ORGANIZATION.

When your work and school life is in disarray, functioning efficiently is very unlikely. Through organization, you are able to sort through and prioritize what needs to be done by the date it’s due. A good method is by creating a to-do list or by using a planner. These tools are good ways to have everything written down and stored on paper, where it is less likely to be forgotten while also freeing up some room in the mind. As you cross out each completed task, it becomes a motivation to complete the entire list. By putting a dent in your work schedule, this automatically frees up time for your social life. However, it is important to remember, the opportunity to socialize will always be there, but the opportunity to impress your boss or professors may not! Therefore, you must be willing to skip a party once in a while. As more people strive for college degrees, and jobs become scarcer, only the best of the best will make it. This reality should kick in when you are deciding between going to a party or studying for a test that you have the next day.

Males are easily perceived as dismissive to many things in the forefront of women’s minds.  The question I present to you is: What do you think would make us not dismiss college drama?  Ladies and gentlemen, the simple truth is that drama is inevitable in an environment where there are variations of different personalities.  In a college setting with people from all over the grid, drama can become an even messier situation.  However, college drama is always something that an individual can control.  When it comes to guys, we refuse to pay mind to unnecessary chaos; in this situation, rumors or stories presented by third parties.  It becomes a choice of whether or not you, as the individual, would like to parlay and engage in gossip from a second hand source, when you could use that time to be productive.  You have to stop, think, and dissect the situation at hand.  What else could you be doing with your time?  Chances are that if we simply kept our negative opinions to ourselves, there would be an abundant amount of time in the day left for other activities.  It is possible that instead of spending time playing a game of “He Said-She Said”, we could join a club for a better cause and find out what is being said across the world about situations of greater importance.

If there is a problem within your relationship, friendship, business partnership, or anything else that involves two people understanding each other for progression towards something better, then address the person at that moment and do it face to face.  You would be amazed at the minimal amount of time it would take to solve a problem the second that it occurs.  Once all of the drama is cleared out of the air, everyone has more time to enjoy one another: boyfriend and girlfriend, roommate one and roommate two through four, five, six and seven.  College is about having an experience to go down in the books and memories of life.  It is not about creating situations that hinder your ability to “experience.”  From our perspective, drama is created and the fumes of the flames can be fanned by any one person, so why not simply avoid a problem and address it with the source when it initially comes up and not after hearing it from a third party.  We are all human, and we all make mistakes, but irreversible errors occur when the people involved in the mistake remain silent and avoid finding a solution.

Being in school and apart of the female species, drama is sure to ensue whether major or minor. In order to prevent drama from escalating to a level in which it is out of your control, you can start by eliminating the middle man. Everyone has that friend that appoints themselves news carrier of the world. They feel as if it is their duty to spread the word and most of the time, as tested in the middle school game “telephone,” the information is incorrect. So you must remember to take what you hear, if it is not from the source with a grain of salt. Also, when
approaching a person with a problem, put aside any emotions that may have initially developed, until you get the full story from the source. Lastly, but most importantly, is avoid “facebooking” or “texting” out problems. These tools tend to be instigators more than solutions. We have become socially retarded because we have become so attached to hiding behind a screen when expressing our feelings or concerns. When you have an issue with another human being, it is important to be respectful adults and talk it out face to face without any outside sources, this way all sides are being heard fully. By providing these controlled conditions, both parties are able to express themselves comfortably and truthfully; bringing them that much closer to
solving the problem.

Some students have their first serious relationships in college. However, as home and school may be a significant distance apart, oftentimes these relationships are long distance at various points in the year. Could you deal with not seeing your significant other everyday? What about only once a month, if that? The larger the distance gap becomes the less time you will be able to spend together.

College students in long distance relationships that were interviewed all agreed trust and communication were the most important factors in making it work. While these factors are important in any relationship they become even more so when the partners are far from each other.

In a long distance relationship, you are not seeing the person every day. A freshman who has been with her boyfriend from back home (Puerto Rico) for seven months states, “You must trust the person because since you are not physically present in his life you do not see what he/she is doing and with whom. So you must be able to trust his/her word because that’s all you really have.”

In addition to trust, you must also be able to keep the communication flowing. You won’t see each other often and therefore other communication forms become even more important. Phone calls, emails, instant messaging and letters are all options in communicating with your significant other. If communication becomes a hassle rather than something you want to do, it may be a sign you aren’t fully invested in the relationship.

Make sure you both have your priorities straight. As one Manhattanville sophomore puts it, “It’s definitely not an easy thing but it’s manageable if the two are on the same page.” Know what the other person expects in the relationship, and make sure they know your expectations. How often do you plan on seeing each other? How often do you plan on speaking to each other? Make sure you address these issues at the beginning of the relationship.

While it may seem there are only negatives associated with a long distance relationship, there are also benefits. For one, you have your space. Many times people complain about not having enough space from their significant other. However, in the long distance relationship this is far from the case. You can finally make plans with you friends and not have to check with a boyfriend/girlfriend first.

Another possible benefit is that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” When you are away from a person, it makes you realize how much you truly care about them. On the other hand, distance can also fool you. When you are apart from someone the problems you have may not seem so pressing. However, when together, all of these problems may present themselves at once. You may just be fooling yourself into thinking the relationship is working, when in reality it is only working because the two of you are not together.

Long distance relationships can be difficult. Both partners need to be mature enough and be willing to handle the difficulties that come along with a long distance relationship. A good relationship is built upon trust and communication. This becomes even more important when you are a long distance away. If both people in the relationship are fully dedicated to making it work, then the likelihood of that relationship lasting greatly increases.

Long distance relationships are not for everyone. Some need their significant other physically with them; long distance relationships work very well for others. Some even see it as a test of how strong their love really is. Long distance relationships are sometimes difficult, but they are manageable if both partners are committed.

You’re finally in college, miles away from the watchful eye of your parents. It would be pointless to deny the fact that at some point you’re going to have a drink (if you haven’t already). After all, alcohol makes up a large portion of every college student’s social life. If you do choose to drink, there are ways to be responsible.

First, know your limits. Not everyone can keep up with the two hundred pound guy at the end of the bar chugging beer after beer. Weight is not the only factor in how much alcohol you can handle. If you are taking any medications (prescription or over-the-counter), read the drug information to find out how the drug mixes with alcohol. In addition, be careful with mixed drinks. With some mixed drinks you may not even taste the alcohol, leading you to drink more of it faster. If you’re a first time drinker, take it slow at first until you know how much your body can handle.

Ladies, watch those purses while at a bar. One idea is to keep your money in your pants pocket. Your purse may get separated from you but your pockets won’t. Although it is difficult to part with your many necessities, keep your purse light. Sometimes, when you’re digging around your small, yet jam-packed purse for your lip gloss, every other belonging falls out. This can be a problem when you’re too tipsy to realize your three hundred dollar digital camera is on the floor.

You’ve been told not to drink and drive long before you even had a license. “Don’t drink and drive” is a motto that has been drilled into our heads by parents, teachers, TV commercials, and after school specials. One way to prevent this from happening is to not put yourself in this situation at all. Put aside an extra twenty dollars for a cab before you go out. Even if you have a ride or are taking a bus, always be prepared to take a cab. You can afford to spend the money if it means potentially saving your life.

Tonight may be fun, but keep tomorrow in mind. You may have put off mountains of homework on Saturday, deciding to do it Sunday instead. Now Sunday has come along and you’re in bed with a hangover. Remember the reason you’re in college in the first place: to get a degree. You (or your parents) are not paying $40,000a year to play beer pong. Believe it or not, college is not all about partying.

Finally, be aware of the consequences of your actions if you do choose to drink. According to the Manhattanville College Code of Conduct, alcohol is prohibited in Spellman Hall and any suite or room that houses students under 21 years of age. Even if you are over 21, you should be aware that public intoxication is in violation with the “Code of Conduct”. The “Code of Conduct” also includes a tier system. While it is only a general chart (individual misconducts may result in varying degrees of sanction) it is important to know the consequences of your actions. Drinking on campus could even lead to your dismissal from the Residence Halls.

Always remember that you do have a choice. If you choose to drink, be responsible about it. Drink with people who you know and trust. Don’t put yourself in the situation of driving drunk or being in the car with a drunk driver. Don’t be afraid to call your R.A if your friend is sick. You may save your friend’s life. While it is important to watch out for your friends, above all, watch out for your own safety.